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I run:
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Apr. 14th, 2010 @ 05:59 pm
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to help people.
to help myself.
to feel alive.
to stop thinking about cookies.
to think about life.
to calm down when I'm upset.
to explore the neighborhood.
to surprise myself.
to earn a slice of pizza.
to get out of the apartment.
to be alone with Dan.
to brag.
to make up for the soy mocha this morning.
to sweat.
to show off my new shoes.mood:  calm |
I'm pretty sick of people I don't know trying to befriend me on facebook. Why do they even want to be my friend? I've never met you. We have no friends in common, or for that matter, interests. We don't even live in the same state.
I try to keep my friends list pretty short. I'm pretty private about myself on the internet, the exception being facebook. If you're my friend, then you have access to my pictures, my phone number, my email and home addresses. This is probably because I trust you with this information. Also, this is because I know I am sometimes _extremely_ hard to get in touch with or find, so I figure I should have it out there.
I've been pretty strict with who I let into my personal bubble in LA - I can't have crazy people showing up at my door or holding on to drunken pictures of me at karaoke to later distribute if and when I am famous.
There are a few folks who have fallen through the cracks - people I went to college or high school with that I haven't talked to in over 6 years - or have never had an actual conversation with. This is fine, I'll keep up the façade that we're friends because we probably have a lot in common - including friends.
When these "pseudo friends" start sending me farmville requests or surveys about what Disney princess I am, I get annoyed. That shit isn't worth my time.
When you suggest that I become a fan of your home sex-toy business or send money to your oh-so-important charitable cause, I may visit your site out of curiosity, but I will quietly and respectfully decline. I don't have the money to toss out the window, and I'd rather give my time to a charitable organization - as I have on several occasions.
However, when you repeatedly suggest that I become a fan of the above-mentioned shitty website in the same week, you're at negative points. We aren't real friends. Thank god all it takes is clicking a button to never have to hear from you again.
>>Remove from Friends<<tune: chairlift - bruises |
If you're wondering why I smile so much, the obvious answer is that I'm happy. Really, really, ridiculously happy. Especially now, coming off an amazing five-day stretch of fun and adventure with Dan and friends. Here's just a small taste of the fun Dan and I have everyday:
It started on Wednesday- our one year anniversary of dating. Last year in New York, I took Dan to my favorite place in Koreatown, Woorijip, then we went to a show at UCB, followed by a drink at a small Irish bar I'd never been to called Molly Wee Pub. This year was an LA twist on our first date: Dinner at the Kogi taco truck, a show at UCB LA (featuring players from NY!) and a drink at a little place new to us called Irish Times. They happened to have their first night of karaoke then, and we rocked the house with two duets: Total Eclipse of the Heart and California Dreamin'. It was a really great night, and a perfect way to start the long weekend. We stayed out as late as we could handle, which was before 2am, since I was opening Starbucks on Thanksgiving.
Thursday morning started early, at 4am. I worked until 10:30, and made a call to my family on the way home. I got the rundown of who made what, and felt a bit homesick. Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday, but I was sacrificing it to make it back for Christmas this year. I was very excited to see Dan making mashed potatoes when I got home, and we chatted his family via Skype (YAY TECHNOLOGY!). We finished up our dishes (I made deviled eggs, my favorite) and headed over to Stephanie & C.C.'s for 2pm. One and a half hours and beers later, I was a little tipsy by the time the turkey was ready to go. We had a good time talking, eating, playing with midget cats, and watching LA Story. After an unintentional 10 minute nap, we decided it was time to move on. We arrived at Karen, Viki, and Caitlin's to an incredible amount of food and lots of American Idol on PS2. Dan and I were so full that we barely touched the food, but brought a little home for tasting later. Determined to watch a romantic movie and snuggle before passing out, we agreed on watching Shakespeare in Love while spooning in bed. Thanksgiving wasn't the same without our families, but we managed to pack it with so much that we didn't have a lot of time to think about what we were missing.
Friday morning was a perfect day to sleep in, and did we ever. When we finally got up, it was to fried mashed potatoes and backwards scrambled eggs with Swiss cheese and peanut butter on toast. YUM! We took a bike ride through the neighborhood and down to JibJab so Dan could do a little work, then locked our bikes in front of the main branch of the Santa Monica Library, only to find we arrived 7 minutes after closing. We took a walk through the promenade to get some Joe's Pizza (from NY!) and explored a little British shop and bought candy. We stopped for some coffee to enjoy with our English chocolate and stayed to do some work for two hours - have laptop, will travel! After a chilly bike ride home, we got cozy on the couch and played some New Super Mario Brothers Wii with Steph & Brian - fun until the Wii hours of the night!
Saturday after breakfast we hiked Runyan Canyon with Brian and Steph, stopping at the bottom to watch and/or pet all the dogs that passed us. We worked up an appetite fit for lunch at Father's Office. When we got home, Dan and I watched Battle Royale while Brian and Steph got ready and left for a friend's farewell. When Stad came home exhausted from a 24-hour escapade, we relocated to the Literati Cafe to do some work: formatting for me and editing for Dan. We were disappointed that the cafe did not offer internet on the weekends, but were able to stay on task because of it. In search of milkshakes on the way home, we instead stopped at Pinkberry for some frozen yogurt goodness covered in fresh fruit. At home Dan set up the TV and Wii in our room for part two of NSMBW with Brian and Steph until 2am.
Sunday started with its usual fun - rehearsal for Hot Biscuit at the space. The hours were filled with two sets of improv, work-shopping, and Dan and Brian even wrote a new live sketch for our show next week. Dan snagged some Quiznos before we got home, and I nom'ed on some macaroni while we watched TV on the internet. After that, it was finishing off our work so we could enjoy the night - I had a few documents to finish formatting, and Dan had a newsletter to prep, both for Monday Morning. We had a classic spaghetti dinner before rocking it all night at Sonny McLeans' karaoke. Dan and I revisited the songs we sang on Wednesday, along with Dan's excellent rendition of the Family Matter's theme and The Grinch and my trio with Karen and Star of All for Love and my ridiculous version of O Holy Night. At home I checked over my work from the weekend before sending it in and quickly fell asleep.
Jam-packed, Yes. Amazing, Yes. Worth every moment. Like I said, only a small look into the amazing year I've had with Dan until now. It just keeps getting better...mood:  bouncy |
Reading the most recent entry in my step-brother's blog this morning inspired me. Below is most of my email to him, I felt it would be nice to share my good vibes more widely:
We really are very lucky - and despite any bad experiences or hard times or struggles we may have faced growing up, they were never that bad. We are fortunate. I think about that a lot now - I'm really truly grateful every single day - I still don't have a job, but I'm not worried. I'm okay. I know I'll get by.
And honestly, I've never been happier in my entire life. I feel like the last piece of my life's puzzle was put into place. No matter what I come up to face, I will overcome. I feel I've had an incredible life already - I have an amazingly supportive and loving family, and you've all been such a source of happiness and inspiration in the last year alone - [Phil] traveled all around the world - Natalie (and all of us) witnessed a miracle in Aiden - and Vanessa has reminded me why I've always looked up to her - she is the most creative and strongest-willed woman I've ever known.
As if this wasn't enough happiness and excitement, I realized that in my across-the-country long time best friend, there was so much more than friendship, but real, honest love that had been there for a long time, and could only grow stronger. Its a really amazing feeling to be with someone who cares about you as much as you care about them, who shares so many ideas, has high goals and aspirations with a realistic outlook on life. [...] For the first time I feel as though I am really living my life, and I know that I have an unlimited, unending, and unconditional amount of love, belief, and support from Dan for the entirety of it- and because of this, and my family, I feel in my heart and really know that no matter what happens, I can handle it. I already have everything I will ever need.
It's really true. I'm still job hunting, but I'm not as scared as I was before. I have everything I need, and the ability to get most of what I want.
Otherwise, living in LA is better than I could have thought it would be. My first weekend we went camping in the Mojave desert and scaled one of the Kelso dunes. Within a week of moving here I landed a spot in the 15-week improv competition at iO West. I was back home the weekend after to see my nephew Aiden christened. I've recorded a voiceover reel, I'm updating my resume, and I've decided I want to try to break into voice over work. This past week has brought 10 mile runs on the beach, making irish soda bread, exploring more of my neighborhood on bike, and playing hours of Resident Evil 5 in co-op with Dan. Tonight, Ghostbusters the video game will be released, and along with mandatory margarita Monday, this is a good begining to a new week.
And I always have someone to laugh with. It's amazing how much a smile can change your outlook.mood: optimistic tune: hellogoodbye - it is love |
Today marked the official start of my training for the second marathon in my life: the San Francisco marathon on July 26th. Once again, my race day partner will be the two-time marathoner Dan Milano - and I'll have the added bonus of actually training with him once I reside in LA. I will be running a MINIMUM of 320 miles over the next four months, and that's not including race day - tack on another 26.2 there! So, 5 down, 315 to go.
I had a very good run to Prospect Park and back. The weather was cool and breezy, slightly overcast but in a really nice way. If I had stopped 20 minutes in, I would have felt that was all I could do, but I was determined to have at least one full loop of the park. I continued up the hill that no longer daunts me, remembering our 5K races that started there, and as I passed the picnic benches where I used to meet my teammates for Saturday morning group training sessions, I felt a little sad that those days are gone, but very happy that those people helped to shape me into the stronger, healthier person I am today.
I've had so many great memories in the Park - from my first week living in Park Slope, to biking through the park to Bed-Sty at night, to the hours of walking in the sunshine, to four months of regular running in and around the park. This may be the single place I miss the most in New York - it is so versatile, and I have shared so many smiles with very many friends there. I'm glad the weather is warming so that I can get better acquainted with the trails and roads again before I leave.mood: relaxed tune: the doobie brothers - it keeps you runnin' |
So, April 1st was not meant to be. My OCD nature wanted me to move out then, as it would mean that I lived in brooklyn for exactly two years. I have been detained, but not for long. Add one more month.
I move out of my apartment for May 1st. I will stay in CT for two weeks. I leave for a Boston weekend on May 15th. I leave Boston for LA on May 18th. I am excited NOW.
I have one month to say goodbye to NYC, two weeks to say goodbye to CT, and three days to say goodbye to Boston. If you're reading this, you should probably let me know what you're up to when i'm in your respective area. i might just want to see you :D
Its not like I won't be back, though. I will... at the end of May, mid June, and the beginning of July for various life-altering events. Stay tuned for more.mood: bouncy tune: flight of the conchords - bowie |
it has been a very long time since i've let myself up on a public forum. i think now is a good opportunity to do so, because i'm feeling so completely happy and alive.
I came to new york city looking for something very specific, and while i never got anywhere near it, I found many other things while enjoying this two year stay: co-workers i really enjoy and hang out with; active peers who have high ideals and standards; fellow actors or improvisers that are in it for the real deal.
i've been thinking and talking about it for a while, and i've decided. now i'm throwing it out there so everyone knows. i'm moving to the west coast. I'll be leaving around april 1st.
i haven't ironed out all the details, for instance, i'm not sure what to do with all of my things. only clothes and the absolute necessities are coming with me. my roommates are already looking for a new place. my parents have been briefed. now i just have to discuss whether or not i can work remotely with my manager and boss, and let my landlord know we'll be vacating.
i'm excited. i'm excited to shed a lot of the things i've accumulated over the years - things my packrat nature insists i hold on to. usually, when you're trying to downsize, you have to ask yourself, "in a fire, would i really want to save this?" for the majority of my belongings, the answer surprizingly is yes, because i attach so much sentimental value to things that are nothing more than unimportant pieces of junk.
I'll be selling or giving away furniture, clothes, and various other things - kitchen items? i seem to have three entire dish sets. and the 70's crockpot from an old roommate's mom i never use. these things need to go. i don't want 'things' weighing me down. i like the idea of being a bit of a nomad for a while.
i'm a little anxious. i think i should start this cleanse now. just know, all the people i've met are not a part of this. the good ones will stay with me even as i'm in california. i'm hoping most will still be here by the time i make it back to the apple. it won't be too long.
mood: rejuvenated tune: the kooks - always where i need to be |
I was forced to leave my desk and go to lunch one hour earlier than expected. This next precious hour was to be spent finding the perfect place to enjoy my lunch, but, being uprooted from my desk without a plan, I took the easy way out. A mere ten steps from the building that houses the financial company that I call my morning receptionist temp job lies an Au Bon Pain, or ABP, as it's lovingly referred to among my co-workers.
I spent five minutes unsure of what my health-conscious eating choices and slim budget might be able to handle, and then I saw it: the bread bowl. A perfect excuse to consume the amount of bread I want to while appearing to look as though I only needed something to warm me on this chilly, windy afternoon.
I strategically avoided the register where Liz, the friendly ABP employee that stops into my office every morning and afternoon with a cart full of treats for bartering, was stationed. I headed to the register nearest the door, and upon my approach heard the elderly woman standing at attention telling the young woman she was training, "Oh, a bread bowl. You remember I told you about bread bowls?" From her tone, you'd think she was talking about mythical dragons that everyone shares stories about but don't actually imagine would appear. "OOh," she continued, as I stepped forward and forced a smile, "and a chocolate milk. This is a perfect example." She smiled at me as though I was an angel.
As I ate in the corner, preferring the company of my current book to that of the strange professionals all around me, I couldn't stop thinking, "A perfect example of what?" Did she know that this was my lazy lunch choice? In a city full of amazing, original eateries, wasn't I a most despicable human being for entering the faux-french chain, rather than explore the wall streets to find a nice mom n' pop place? Wasn't I the perfect example of a tourist in the city I now tried to call home? Where were the locals eating? They certainly would not be caught dead here.
The next morning, passing a street vendor, I decided to have a try. (I know from the hoards that flock the ABP cart in the morning that the exclusively prepared bagels they sell are a dollar. A little steep, but I figure standards go up in the city.) My turn arrives to approach this small, silver vendor stationed just outside the Whitehall R stop, and the man inside this metal room smiles widely and warmly at me. Only 65 cents for a bagel? Amazing! I left the change for his tip, that morning and several thereafter. It is better spent on this hard working man than on the evil corporate chain of ABP. A perfect example of revenge.mood:  geeky tune: "Attitude" from Victor/Victoria |
It's getting down to the end of it all.
I'm spending my last night in CT until mid-november, and spending the last few hours with my cat Sparks until I return. I'll be back in Worcester tomorrow night and I've got about three days to finish packing up everything I've accumulated in four years and send most of it back to CT.
I'm trying really hard to think about all of the good times and smile, and I know I'll have a lot of fun and get a lot of experience at Wellfleet, but I can't help think of the people I won't see for months or more and wish I had more time...
I'm not worried about the people I'm closest to. I'm sure that one way or another, we will keep in touch, and more than likely things will seem like they've never changed even if I don't see them for four years. Strong bonds can do that for you. Its the people I've just gotten to know, the people I wish I knew sooner, that I'm worried about. Our relationships aren't quite as strong now, and I don't want them to end.
With every hour that passes now, I'm more and more scared. Don't be surprised when you see me crying at graduation - I'm sure that's what most people expect now, anyway. I wonder who will take my place as the resident crier at Alpha Gam events?
I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave my cat, who's been the only constant thing in my life for two years. I don't want to leave WPI, and Worcester, the place I've called home for four years. I'm sure I still will in Wellfleet - my parent's house hasn't been home since I left for college.
It sucks to throw things away, especially for me. I'm a pack rat like no body's business. The bottom line is, I don't have a place of my own anymore, so nothing can stay that isn't worth the space it takes up. Among those things are little notes or other things that remind me of the everyday life I had at WPI. I have a feeling that even though I'm in business mode now, like I-have-to-get-this-done-as-soon-as-possible-so-I-can-have-more-time-to-cry-or-hang-out-whichever-comes-first, it will be harder for me to throw out what I clearly don't need to keep because I'm feeling so nostalgic.
If you want to hang out and shoot the shit while I sort out and throw away most of the pieces of my life, give me a call. I'll be the girl buried under stacks of homework, notes, and papers singing sad songs to myself.mood:  scared shitless tune: daniel powter - bad day |
We had a multiple choice test on the book "What Video Games Have To Teach Us About Learning And Literacy". We were all done in about 20 minutes, but not because it was easy. Here are my favorite quotes from the class:
Dean: I've never given a multiple choice test before.
Phil: Well, you suck at it.
On discussing the irony of takeing a multiple choice test for a book that discourages skill and drill:
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) argoncreature: You put us in a game without giving us a tutorial, Wench.
Oh, Phil. So silly. I have no idea how I did on that test.mood:  anxious tune: Who calls a professor Wench? |
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